January 28, 2011

Not Lost in Hyde Park

Walking through Hyde park I feel quite sacred. It’s night time and the temperature is autumn-like and perfect. I do little of my days and it’s weighing down on me so it’s ironic that my favourite moments are the ones when nothing productive happens any more but I visit the most beautiful places in London. I must say I do remember now why I came to London in the first place. It was for aesthetic reasons. Why have I not been striving to fulfill them? Trying so hard, so blindly to start a life? I should be trying to figure out who I am. I didn’t come here because I had to work. I came here to find what beauty was mine, is me, and perhaps find out how I might share it with you, with the world, with those I love. If I can sustain myself, stay alive, and then visit the most wondrous places I will be happy. I know one must wake up from dreams, so my walk in Hyde Park will end soon enough, there are many hardships ahead, but I’m proud to be able to feel the way I feel now. If only there was a way to make this my life. Sleep in the park if I'm stranded in the streets! I’m glad to admit though, that when I do wake up from my dream I will remain happy (In-script addendum: Despite the fact that I got lost once I left the park and that bothered me a little bit…)

Now the wind is blowing, it’s getting quite eerie. There’s no one around but I’m afraid someone will come out of the blue and mug me so I’ll finish this inside. I’ll be talking about fences and secret worlds.

I walked out of Hyde Park on the verge of tears I was so moved! The dark winter trees in the distance across black fields of grass, and people far away, little shadows walking to places unknown. The dead leaves on the ground dancing in the wind like waves making soft rustling noises.

And at first I was afraid I was not going to be able to come into the park at all. For some reason when I came out of Queensway station and walked along the park fence, all the gates were closed. Perhaps they shut them at night or perhaps they never open them. Either way I had given up the idea of walking through the greens. I kept looking over the fence wistfully, looking into the pitch darkness on the other side, wondering what kind of secrets lay there. Was there a secret world fenced-in so Londoners could not get in. The fact that the fences were old mossy brick with iron bars really heightened that spirit. I was tempted to jump over the fence, my heart would have loved it, but I was shutting him up at that point.

Then I found an open gate. Walked passed it (stupidly) Told myself I would simply go into the park another day when it would be light out (Though this was all at night… I wonder how it is in the day. Probably still nice, but not quite as magical…). But luckily there was another gate open where I saw others walk in. I walked in too.

I did listen to my heart though, that time when it told me to walk through the grass (step off the path) and follow the light post, which I did (after hesitating). As always my heart was right. That is where I discovered the whole greatness of Hyde Park.

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