April 27, 2010
April 25, 2010
April 21, 2010
April 17, 2010
- There’s a spider living in my room. I haven’t the heart to kill it and I haven’t the heart to pick it up and throw it outside. I’ve come to a conclusion by letting it live, letting it walk on my walls day in and day out… Spiders have very pointless lives. Still I don’t think it miserable so I will spare it.
- I’m more than halfway done my screenplay and sometimes I love it and sometimes I don’t but I’m scared. I feel I should be done by now because I don’t have work or school and it should be my priority but at the same time I feel I really should stick to my pace (4 pages a day). I don’t know what to do and though I’m proud to be doing well I feel restless.
- I don’t know much about paints and I have no clue how to jump into the world of paints… I feel stagnant once more.
- I am currently plotting and world building and character building for a story idea I’ve got. The first time I had the spark for the story I fell in love, then I tried getting deeper and I fell out of love but I really wanted to make it work. One day I filled in a bunch of questions on characters and plot and I didn’t think much of it. I still felt terrible. I would answer more questions and my characters felt even more wrong. Then yesterday I reread that first questionnaire and I realized I had been recently building on the wrong concepts. My characters in that first questionnaire were amazing! I fell in love once more.
- Tones: I’m making a list of tones I am lenient towards but that make me feel gross. Clichés, contemporary, easy, etc. I think I may find MY tones once I cross out all the ones that aren’t, from the eternal list of tones.
April 15, 2010
April 10, 2010
April 7, 2010
This is my face? How could this be me? People look at me and they see this? What’s so special about this face? Nothing really, I’m sure it would blend skillfully into the crowd. That’s good to know, now I can stop worrying about people judging me and putting me down, how could they if they can’t even single me out. This is not a child’s face. I do not appear younger than everyone my own age…
Good. Now that I know my body doesn’t give off the wrong image, it gives off no image; I know that people don’t know what my soul is like. Good good, that means they aren’t wrong about me yet. Good. Now all I need is for my body to give off the image of my soul.
Soul is disembodied. Soul doesn’t figure to the body at all. Identity does. Identity is the image the body gives off. My body will never be as my soul and vice versa, but at least I can be happy in it. If my body becomes what my soul dreams of in this « tangible’ world, wouldn’t that make me happy in recapitulation? How do I make that happen? Be myself?
So I found that looking in a mirror and talking to yourself can be hours of fun. I honestly feel for the past few days that I am talking to someone else. It feels good to see yourself as someone else. It’s easy to interact with others when you don’t realize you’re there. You don’t worry about the image your body is making your soul look like. But when you do, you start to justify in circles and move in circles instead of forward. So? Why not talk to yourself without realizing you’re there? Magnificent process that works wonders. I will know what my soul says when I’m not thinking about it and will be able to know myself? I’ve been a happy dreamer for the past week. I want a mirror in my room now.
1. Jean Carriès (1855-1894)
Grotesque mask, element for the Monumental Door, 1891/1894
Photo : Philippe Ladet/Petit Palais/R. Viollet