Frenzy's Done and Done

My screenplay of Perloo the Bold is now officially completed at 100 pages exactly. The PDF file I used to validate my score had a blank sheet on it at the end. I felt terrible and took no joy from having won because of this so I went back to my script and spent another hour reformatting even though I'd already spent two hours earlier also reformatting.

So I'm done now... what do I do? I'm going to start another project, or maybe more than one, since I have all the time in the world. I would really love it if I could get a job though because there are projects I would love to try out but I haven't got the materials... like painting and I'd like to give a go at watercolors... oh and I need to buy something, who knows what, to get organized. I think I would feel greater when accomplishing goals if I was organized and could see where I was going.

Next script frenzy I shall not adapt a novel. I stay too attatched to the novel, it becomes very easy and passive. Next time I will venture into the unknown. Then I might really feel it... the frenzy that is.

8. How often do you get writer’s block?

Writer's block has not happened to me much since I've started to write seriously... seriously being already pretty laidback. I'm a slow worker and so I get up and walk and dance and make tea and play games a lot in a writing day, but the writing keeps coming.

Lately it hasn't been so much writer's block as a fear of finishing too early. I'm talking about script frenzy. I've been shredded apart between keeping my pace everyday or putting obstacles in my way on purpose. I'm scared of something and I can't quite put my finger on it. In any case, I've completed my scrrenplay but I'm for pages under the 100 pages goal... Perhaps I haven't taken enough time on this project... Rah.

7. Coolest plot twist you’ve ever created?

A plot twist I was extremely fond of when I came up with it was this: the main antagonist of a story of mine was actually a puppet to his wife who is made prisoner to him and wishes to free herself. She has lead him into war with the mortals so that a mortal artifact that would free her would be brought to her. What's cool about it is that a bunch of characters throughout the story don't quite fit in with the antagonist and feel like seperate third parties being helpful and disadvantaging to the protagonists sporadically. You can't guess why they do it but they work for the wife. In fact, the first 'good' guy to bring up the eminent war conflict is actually a bad guy, and when you find out you think he works for the main antagonist but...!

Five Recent Contemplations and Wow that's a Nice Photo

1. There’s a spider living in my room. I haven’t the heart to kill it and I haven’t the heart to pick it up and throw it outside. I’ve come to a conclusion by letting it live, letting it walk on my walls day in and day out… Spiders have very pointless lives. Still I don’t think it miserable so I will spare it.

2. I’m more than halfway done my screenplay and sometimes I love it and sometimes I don’t but I’m scared. I feel I should be done by now because I don’t have work or school and it should be my priority but at the same time I feel I really should stick to my pace (4 pages a day). I don’t know what to do and though I’m proud to be doing well I feel restless.

3. I don’t know much about paints and I have no clue how to jump into the world of paints… I feel stagnant once more.

4. I am currently plotting and world building and character building for a story idea I’ve got. The first time I had the spark for the story I fell in love, then I tried getting deeper and I fell out of love but I really wanted to make it work. One day I filled in a bunch of questions on characters and plot and I didn’t think much of it. I still felt terrible. I would answer more questions and my characters felt even more wrong. Then yesterday I reread that first questionnaire and I realized I had been recently building on the wrong concepts. My characters in that first questionnaire were amazing! I fell in love once more.

5. Tones: I’m making a list of tones I am lenient towards but that make me feel gross. Clichés, contemporary, easy, etc. I think I may find MY tones once I cross out all the ones that aren’t, from the eternal list of tones.

Remember why we Exist You and I

I don't want to survive, petty and trite, I want to Be. I need a story to tell.

In all that is possible about life, absurd, pointless, live eternally or live an ephemere spark, there is only me in the eye of another, I don't wish to vanish without moving myself, I don't wish to vanish with the flat concrete of eternity's foundation. I want to grow, become and say something more, I want to explode and shake and make shivers send tears out of mine own eyes. I watch the world, I watch many souls, I bask in the way they move me... I want to move me.

I don't believe feeling the way I do is vain, it may be an illusion, but if I make a life out of it, if I catch myself believing... Oh time will tell of course. It does tell right?

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:45:40 AM)

what are you up to?

L.e.x :] says: (1:48:41 AM)

nadda

L.e.x :] says: (1:48:46 AM)

tryin to fall asleep

L.e.x :] says: (1:48:49 AM)

but im not tired

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:49:25 AM)

understood

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:49:29 AM)

I feel quite the same

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:49:29 AM)

I feel quite the same

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:49:43 AM)

though I should sleep as not to wake up at 1 again tomorrow

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:49:48 AM)

I have an appointment tomorrow

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:50:07 AM)

no, it's not for a career opportunity, nor is it for a psychanalist to check my head

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:50:26 AM)

Merely a friend who needs my services and I haplessly, happily serve

L.e.x :] says: (1:50:35 AM)

lol

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:50:53 AM)

It's all I can do right now to bring anything to this forsaken place, Serve that is

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:50:53 AM)

serve until I can be served

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:51:00 AM)

I'm too humble to be served

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:51:09 AM)

and yet no one feels the world the way I do

Franky ∫ Mere survival in such a fucking soul! ∫ *56/100 Screnzy* says: (1:51:23 AM)

but what does that even mean? How better does tha tmake me?

6. Best plot you’ve ever created?

To this day I think my favorite plot is the one from The Children are Immortal. Though my first draft is full of holes and repugnant actions, it's a story really close to my heart and who I am and I think it gives a different perspective to the idea of disillusion.

In a small town, teenager Christine Byrd's little step brother is found dead by the police after he has disappeared a month ago. Oppressed by the skeptical police officers, her mother's depression, and the stupidity of the world she breaks down. After being observed and studied by two supernatural 8 year olds from another dimension while she threw a violent fit, they try to frighten her to death by throwing her into the vicious river to see how she would react. The wall between the two dimensions is broken for the spilt second of a lightnening bolt, the time for Christine to inherit some of the infinite powers of the twins. This newly acquired magic frees her from the pressure life ensued upon her and soon she finds herself looking for grander reasons to use her powers to the demise of

the immortal children.

I've got a few awesome ideas strutting in my mind right now, all projects I intend to pursue eventually. All full of obscurity and beauty and autumn and music boxes and soul and...

Lullaby for the Hero by Michael Cheval

Mocking Smile

Weird faces, weird sounds, strange conversations, I look good in this light, I look bad with my face down, can I make myself cry? Nope. I start to laugh instead. This is my face.

This is my face? How could this be me? People look at me and they see this? What’s so special about this face? Nothing really, I’m sure it would blend skillfully into the crowd. That’s good to know, now I can stop worrying about people judging me and putting me down, how could they if they can’t even single me out. This is not a child’s face. I do not appear younger than everyone my own age…

Good. Now that I know my body doesn’t give off the wrong image, it gives off no image; I know that people don’t know what my soul is like. Good good, that means they aren’t wrong about me yet. Good. Now all I need is for my body to give off the image of my soul.

Soul is disembodied. Soul doesn’t figure to the body at all. Identity does. Identity is the image the body gives off. My body will never be as my soul and vice versa, but at least I can be happy in it. If my body becomes what my soul dreams of in this « tangible’ world, wouldn’t that make me happy in recapitulation? How do I make that happen? Be myself?

So I found that looking in a mirror and talking to yourself can be hours of fun. I honestly feel for the past few days that I am talking to someone else. It feels good to see yourself as someone else. It’s easy to interact with others when you don’t realize you’re there. You don’t worry about the image your body is making your soul look like. But when you do, you start to justify in circles and move in circles instead of forward. So? Why not talk to yourself without realizing you’re there? Magnificent process that works wonders. I will know what my soul says when I’m not thinking about it and will be able to know myself? I’ve been a happy dreamer for the past week. I want a mirror in my room now.

1. Jean Carriès (1855-1894)
Grotesque mask, element for the Monumental Door, 1891/1894
Photo : Philippe Ladet/Petit Palais/R. Viollet

5. Most annoying character you’ve ever created?

Ah! I have a few characters I often can't stand. A lot of my characters make me feel dreadful whether they are too vague and empty or too complex in a direction I don't want to go. Characters that try to be realistic but only succeed in removing suspension of dibelief. I think the worst one yet has been Brady Sam Kirk. He was just in a horrible story and attempt to forcefeed people my own ideals of Love. He was 20-something and I made him all spooked out about smoking and he won the lottery and he was cheating on his girlfriend with a party whore and he figured in the end that he was happiest with simplicity in his life. It was horrible because he generally just whined and wanted superficial things, and I was never able to make his relationship with his "soulmate" anything believable.

I'm glad I'm generally past that stage and I'm working on bettering my character creating now. I've got trouble finding a way to trust my characters on their own, but I think if I create them round enough they will take my hand and lead me. I dream of this...

4. Favorite genre of writing?

Just recently I've started wondering about that. I was thinking, "If I publish a novel, where would I find it in a book store?". To be honest I'm not sure whether it would be in fantasy or general literature. Being a teenager myself I find it really important to write about issues that aren't brought up in our lives but that I've noticed. So I write young adult stuff with the paranormal weaved inside. I did wish it was more mainstream though, for the esthetic escape I wish to induce. In any case, I'm still looking for that voice. Until then, my favorite writing genre will always be this jumbled ramble.

Image not by me...