Where my Mind and Tales Currently Rome

I have not made a blog post in eternity.

I just want to say that life and writing a novel are really quite similar, and sometimes you're in the middle of a novel and an assessment of what you've done and what direction you've taken is necessary to continue in the right direction. This middle part is often very rough and doubt ridden but always so enriching. Life isn't like the novel so much because while a novel might need many assessments life can require them quite more many times.

I think in a sort of synchronicity many people involved in my life and many events in my life are currently in the middle part of the process. It's tough, it makes us question ourselves, it makes us say things we don't mean, and all for the sake of evolution and that growth is beautiful...

Oh yeah, by the way, I'm half way done my first draft of 'Orville's Recipe'. I really went awry with it though. It was killing me and I couldn't figure out why. I was totally writing in the wrong direction, making all the mistakes possible. I've remedied to that somewhat. I still don't feel this is the project I should have undertaken at this point in my life considering the demons I must exorcise but I'm going to finish it non-the-less. I am learning a great deal from it despite this looming sense of self-loathing it hangs over my head.

Happy Nano anyone! :D

It Felt Real

I haven't managed this much before, and it wasn't that big today, but I've done it non-the-less and I expect things to get more emotional on my part with experience. I was afraid today. My heart sank and I had cold sweats. That's because I've killed off one of my characters. When I had not written him out yet, I knew he would die but I did not feel too strongly about it. Now that I knew him and came to love him, to hear his daughter's shrilling screams for help made me feel so sad for her and my protagonist.

I've hit a problem now though. The dead man's daughter was supposed to blame my protagonist for the murder, but I don't think she can do that in the state she's in right now... In fact, I think I've made her too loveable. I'll let my muse play with that then.

(Ay, I also made the death scene much more gruesome than anticipated... like blood and chunks of body missing... It's a surprise my story is about delicious egg yolks and ham).

12. Do you ever go back to an idea after you abandon it?

I have never done this yet, but I don't see myself not ever doing it. Actually, as I've said before, I keep all of my scrap notes and snippets of writing just in case one day I choose to go back to them.

Does this Entry Count?

There's an issue with goal making... that is, I'm quite horrible at it. Ever since the month started I've been working on that Harry Potter fanfiction and yet I haven't written a single word of prose. I have been busy though, researching tedious details to make sure I get as close to the canonical Harry Potter as possible, but all this often feels pointless, vain, a good excuse not to write, etc.

In fact it is extremely important that I perform all that research; if I don't do it now I would have had to do it later. The feeling of inadequacy derives mainly from the fact, yet again, that I am unemployed and it feels like I am taking all this time for granted (How would I do all that research if I had day work to do), it's also because I don't take the time to write everyday (I tend to take the massive note taking and research as writing). It doesn't really matter what I write or how much I write but I have to write. If I feel I haven't been fulfilling my goals (Firstly because I don't know how to consider research as a goal. All month I've been telling myself "Today I'm going to write" completely overlooking the ominous researching) it's probably because I haven't been taking a moment to write, and Lord I have tons of things to write so what am I waiting for?

I discovered this wonderful website, which will come in handy in calming the storm of anxiety from lack of goal achievement. It is called OneWord, one word appears and inspires you and you then have 60 seconds to write up what desires to come out. For days where I haven't found time to write or haven't been writing, this little exercise is highly soothing.

10. Do you type or write by hand?

First drafts and thoughts and notes and all those preproduction papers are usually always written by hand. Though I put less words on the page and write incredibly slowlyer, my thoughts are clearer and more maleable. Then I take that tedious extra time (like an hour per 1000 words) to type everything up.

I'm not sure whether I would write by hand or type a second draft yet, I've only done first draft to final draft up to now.

Oh, and for things that have deadlines like Nanowrimo and ScriptFrenzy I just type, cause transferring 50 000 written words onto the computer would be death. (Though when I can't reach a computer on a ceratin day I will write by hand, though this chops out so much time once I have to type it all up, I can't miss out on a day). Luckily (Unluckily 'cause it was devoid of any challenge) this year's script frenzy I never had to write by hand in some strange place... I always had my computer.

9. Write fan fiction?

What a perfect subject for the first of the month. In fact, I am writing a fan fiction right now and it is my monthly project. I was wondering what project to jump into after a month of writing a 100-page screenplay. I didn't want anything too heavy and I had a fan fiction project marinating inside my head for a while now. There you have it, a light, exciting, but non-the-less educational (for myself most of all) fan fiction.

It is a Harry Potter fan fiction. Common trite you say? Maybe, but I am in love with J. K. Rowling's world and am quite sad I can't write from that world for the entirety of my career (Well I could, I'm afraid the income would be minimal though. Aya!).

You will have on cyberspace, sometime starting this month, the chronicles of the life of Icarus Fairchild. It's set in Hogwarts when Professor Dumbledor himself was a student. Icarus Fairchild is not quite like Harry Potter's tale, it could be canon, and it exploits the magical world as much as possible without being forceful.

In any case, I can't wait to start publishing. I do hope to get a lot of criticism. The bad, to learn to live with it. The good, to keep learning this craft of possibilities that is writing. It would be nice to build a little network as well.

There is much to learn from writing fan fictions. I've decided to throw my reticence aside and go for it. Fan fictions aren't only for fun, they are just as much a learning tool for the aspiring author as writing short stories would be. And they are a great source of fun for the hardcore fan... which I am... hehe

Just on a side note, I am not the kind of person that would write a fan fiction for any good ol' story that I enjoyed. No. I have to be crazy about it, an uber nerd about it. The Legend of Zelda is another good example of something I might write fanfic to (Cause I'm an uber geek for it. That series moves me sooo much). In fact, I have a Zelda fanfic strutting inside of me... first things first though!

PS. Harry Potter and Zelda are the most fanficked franchises... I know I'm the greater fan though. Hehe.

Frenzy's Done and Done

My screenplay of Perloo the Bold is now officially completed at 100 pages exactly. The PDF file I used to validate my score had a blank sheet on it at the end. I felt terrible and took no joy from having won because of this so I went back to my script and spent another hour reformatting even though I'd already spent two hours earlier also reformatting.

So I'm done now... what do I do? I'm going to start another project, or maybe more than one, since I have all the time in the world. I would really love it if I could get a job though because there are projects I would love to try out but I haven't got the materials... like painting and I'd like to give a go at watercolors... oh and I need to buy something, who knows what, to get organized. I think I would feel greater when accomplishing goals if I was organized and could see where I was going.

Next script frenzy I shall not adapt a novel. I stay too attatched to the novel, it becomes very easy and passive. Next time I will venture into the unknown. Then I might really feel it... the frenzy that is.

8. How often do you get writer’s block?

Writer's block has not happened to me much since I've started to write seriously... seriously being already pretty laidback. I'm a slow worker and so I get up and walk and dance and make tea and play games a lot in a writing day, but the writing keeps coming.

Lately it hasn't been so much writer's block as a fear of finishing too early. I'm talking about script frenzy. I've been shredded apart between keeping my pace everyday or putting obstacles in my way on purpose. I'm scared of something and I can't quite put my finger on it. In any case, I've completed my scrrenplay but I'm for pages under the 100 pages goal... Perhaps I haven't taken enough time on this project... Rah.

6. Best plot you’ve ever created?

To this day I think my favorite plot is the one from The Children are Immortal. Though my first draft is full of holes and repugnant actions, it's a story really close to my heart and who I am and I think it gives a different perspective to the idea of disillusion.

In a small town, teenager Christine Byrd's little step brother is found dead by the police after he has disappeared a month ago. Oppressed by the skeptical police officers, her mother's depression, and the stupidity of the world she breaks down. After being observed and studied by two supernatural 8 year olds from another dimension while she threw a violent fit, they try to frighten her to death by throwing her into the vicious river to see how she would react. The wall between the two dimensions is broken for the spilt second of a lightnening bolt, the time for Christine to inherit some of the infinite powers of the twins. This newly acquired magic frees her from the pressure life ensued upon her and soon she finds herself looking for grander reasons to use her powers to the demise of

the immortal children.

I've got a few awesome ideas strutting in my mind right now, all projects I intend to pursue eventually. All full of obscurity and beauty and autumn and music boxes and soul and...

Lullaby for the Hero by Michael Cheval

5. Most annoying character you’ve ever created?

Ah! I have a few characters I often can't stand. A lot of my characters make me feel dreadful whether they are too vague and empty or too complex in a direction I don't want to go. Characters that try to be realistic but only succeed in removing suspension of dibelief. I think the worst one yet has been Brady Sam Kirk. He was just in a horrible story and attempt to forcefeed people my own ideals of Love. He was 20-something and I made him all spooked out about smoking and he won the lottery and he was cheating on his girlfriend with a party whore and he figured in the end that he was happiest with simplicity in his life. It was horrible because he generally just whined and wanted superficial things, and I was never able to make his relationship with his "soulmate" anything believable.

I'm glad I'm generally past that stage and I'm working on bettering my character creating now. I've got trouble finding a way to trust my characters on their own, but I think if I create them round enough they will take my hand and lead me. I dream of this...

Through the Blizzard... Script Frenzy

In a few hours it will be midnight. I'm not sure if it's like this for everyone but to me that means it'll be April first (April fools if you prefer). One thing is for sure, this grand adventure I'm about to embark on is not a joke. 100 pages of screenplay in ONLY 30 days. Ask me how I feel about this? I'm really excited.

For the past month I haven't been going to school and I don't have a job so I've been watching movies, reading screenplays, taking a bunch of notes, and plotting for my awesome screenplay. Now that April is upon us I will have to write a minimum of 3.3 pages a day (though I'm planning to write 4, or more if inspiration sparks).

What I'm looking forward to is to being called up for a job interview, getting a job, getting a bunch of obstacles in my way, and still getting through this screenplay. It would make my heart sing if life became unpredictable, if I was thrown left and right and through it I managed to find my own way, accept it, and come out of this experience just that more grown up. God knows I've got so much to learn on every side of this circular geometric life (that includes: scriptwriting, time management, and who I am).

My screenplay is an adaptation of the children's novel "Perloo the Bold" by Avi. I chose this novel because I am a little Perloo myself. I think I have everything I need, I think I'm fine doing everything on my own, I think dreaming my life away is a great escape, and yet I fear the future, I fear to live life, I fear the challenge of being myself.

I foresee this movie would be a family animation: Funny and cute, but inspiring for people of all ages, for various reasons, for various ways of seeing the world. I will enjoy this month, following the rabbit-like montmers and their tales on Rasquich Mountain. I hope to learn from them every step of the way.

Wish me a bunch of unexpecteds this month! I'll update every once in a while, tell you what my furry friends are up to.

"Perloo the Bold" cover art by Harvey Chan

2. Poetry?

Send me some poetry! Something you like, something you love, something I might like. I would love to discover this side of literature.

I like poetry. Some poems sound nice or look nice to me but tend to go over my head even though I try hard to dissect them. Other poems move me tremendously (I haven't got any examples though... I'm not a big poetry geek at all). I think I rather be read to or shared a poem orally though. I like to write them but usually look back at them in disgust because I find myself too choppy and pointless or way too obvious.

Here, I found a piece of poetry that I quite enjoy. It's music lyrics, the poetry I am exposed to the most. Somewhere only We Know by Keane (The first song in my playlist to the left) is full of dream, of wist, of nostalgia, all things I am very fond of:

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

I myself have little snippets of prose in a bunch of scattered post-its that I find are going somewhere yet which I can't bring myself to complete.

"But I'm lying here, half asleep

And the alarm is ringing so it's hard to keep

My eyes closed...

I'm barely sleeping.

My dreams are seeping

Out of my grasp.

It's a slow eye movement."

"And the golden birds fly over the mountain

Where the royal heart bleeds,

And the quest to the river of blood

Is held by tiny blind green men..."

"The soul in me; the ghost in me.

The ghost in you; the soul in you.

The concrete shoes, they're pulling us down.

It's a sorry potential."

1. What’s the last thing you wrote? What’s the first thing you wrote that you still have?

I. The last thing I wrote is a short story called Succesion (Title may undergo change). I've been practicing short stories for a while now. Though I don't find my voice is really clear in these they are good for my storytelling skills (them that need working on). It was the story of a man writing a letter to his newborn daughter about the dreams he must sacrifice for her to grow up with dreams of her own.

"My dear May,

Do not find me hasty for writing you this letter so soon. I know very well you’ve never set eyes on written words yet. I am aware if I was to give you this letter now you would merely snatch the paper out of my hands, drool on the ink, and giggle at the running words. Do not think me arrogant either. I do not claim to being anything grandiose, but this sacrifice, it is bigger than life. I will not accept to forget it, not completely at least, or I may come to believe I was not a good father and that’s all I have now. I do hope one day you will choose to recognize what I have given you.

I was once a king, and once the leader of a utopic anarchy. (...)"

II. The first thing I ever wrote (that I still have) is a snippety piece of writing inspired by the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk. It was a first person fragment and in it I was the giant. I would clean myself in the rain, dry myself with cloud and give Jack everything that he wanted because I was not the evil giant people rumoured about but in fact Jack's best friend. I wrote it at 6 years old and won a cute literary award for it.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman."

Illustration by Arthur Rackham from

a 1918 English Fairy Tales, by Flora Annie Steel"

It's interesting that I realize now why I have this subconscious connection to this tale. In a screenplay I'm currently writing, parts of the story are quoted as a parallel to the main plot. The giant in my case are two immortal twins who look evil by their actions though they merely want to survive while the protagonist, by abusing her magical powers, is sending them into inexistence.

I fell upon this writing survey originating from an unknown chain. I decided to post each question on seperate posts every few days or so.