Does this Entry Count?

There's an issue with goal making... that is, I'm quite horrible at it. Ever since the month started I've been working on that Harry Potter fanfiction and yet I haven't written a single word of prose. I have been busy though, researching tedious details to make sure I get as close to the canonical Harry Potter as possible, but all this often feels pointless, vain, a good excuse not to write, etc.

In fact it is extremely important that I perform all that research; if I don't do it now I would have had to do it later. The feeling of inadequacy derives mainly from the fact, yet again, that I am unemployed and it feels like I am taking all this time for granted (How would I do all that research if I had day work to do), it's also because I don't take the time to write everyday (I tend to take the massive note taking and research as writing). It doesn't really matter what I write or how much I write but I have to write. If I feel I haven't been fulfilling my goals (Firstly because I don't know how to consider research as a goal. All month I've been telling myself "Today I'm going to write" completely overlooking the ominous researching) it's probably because I haven't been taking a moment to write, and Lord I have tons of things to write so what am I waiting for?

I discovered this wonderful website, which will come in handy in calming the storm of anxiety from lack of goal achievement. It is called OneWord, one word appears and inspires you and you then have 60 seconds to write up what desires to come out. For days where I haven't found time to write or haven't been writing, this little exercise is highly soothing.

Frenzy's Done and Done

My screenplay of Perloo the Bold is now officially completed at 100 pages exactly. The PDF file I used to validate my score had a blank sheet on it at the end. I felt terrible and took no joy from having won because of this so I went back to my script and spent another hour reformatting even though I'd already spent two hours earlier also reformatting.

So I'm done now... what do I do? I'm going to start another project, or maybe more than one, since I have all the time in the world. I would really love it if I could get a job though because there are projects I would love to try out but I haven't got the materials... like painting and I'd like to give a go at watercolors... oh and I need to buy something, who knows what, to get organized. I think I would feel greater when accomplishing goals if I was organized and could see where I was going.

Next script frenzy I shall not adapt a novel. I stay too attatched to the novel, it becomes very easy and passive. Next time I will venture into the unknown. Then I might really feel it... the frenzy that is.

8. How often do you get writer’s block?

Writer's block has not happened to me much since I've started to write seriously... seriously being already pretty laidback. I'm a slow worker and so I get up and walk and dance and make tea and play games a lot in a writing day, but the writing keeps coming.

Lately it hasn't been so much writer's block as a fear of finishing too early. I'm talking about script frenzy. I've been shredded apart between keeping my pace everyday or putting obstacles in my way on purpose. I'm scared of something and I can't quite put my finger on it. In any case, I've completed my scrrenplay but I'm for pages under the 100 pages goal... Perhaps I haven't taken enough time on this project... Rah.

5. Most annoying character you’ve ever created?

Ah! I have a few characters I often can't stand. A lot of my characters make me feel dreadful whether they are too vague and empty or too complex in a direction I don't want to go. Characters that try to be realistic but only succeed in removing suspension of dibelief. I think the worst one yet has been Brady Sam Kirk. He was just in a horrible story and attempt to forcefeed people my own ideals of Love. He was 20-something and I made him all spooked out about smoking and he won the lottery and he was cheating on his girlfriend with a party whore and he figured in the end that he was happiest with simplicity in his life. It was horrible because he generally just whined and wanted superficial things, and I was never able to make his relationship with his "soulmate" anything believable.

I'm glad I'm generally past that stage and I'm working on bettering my character creating now. I've got trouble finding a way to trust my characters on their own, but I think if I create them round enough they will take my hand and lead me. I dream of this...